I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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