yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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