is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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