A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
