relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
