she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
