dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
