Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
