Three words: puerto rican gang bang
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
