im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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