His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
