so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We left an ass print on the piano.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
