I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
