just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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