i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
