FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
