dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
