just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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