Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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