I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
