you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
