i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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