He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
