whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
