hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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