What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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