can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
