dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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