Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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