So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
