did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
