so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
