the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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