WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
