Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
