i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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