Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
