no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
