Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
