Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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