The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
