You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
