So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
