I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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