I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You are the jesus of drinking
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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