woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
vagina is talking i cant
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
