i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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