Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
