I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
