just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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