how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
