i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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