my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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