If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We have started to decorate penises.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
