I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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