I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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