you mean i was at the winter classic?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
