I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
In other news, I just burned my penis
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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