The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
