i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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