Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
