So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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