and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
