she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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