Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
