why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
