i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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