i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
