At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
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It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
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I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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